


Lifeline

by hermion8



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27642002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermion8/pseuds/hermion8
Summary: How far will you go for someone you love?
Relationships: Kim Heechul/Park Jungsoo | Leeteuk
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

“I'm sorry.”

The note flutters down, seemingly innocent, unaware of the hearts it had broken. The air was silent, tense…stifling. Fifteen years as a group, twenty years of brotherhood, but it could not have prepared them for this. ‘ _Was I blindsided?_ ’ floated through everyone’s minds.

Nobody moved. At that moment, the phrase “Ignore it til it goes away" blared through their hearts. Where do they go from here? How can they recover from this? **_Could_** they recover from this?

The managers’ murmurs approaching from the hallways felt unreal. Any second now, someone would have a solution. This simply could not be the reality. Their entire beings rejected it as an illusion.

It was a blur, the quick ride to the company, the board meeting, and the group meeting. Several of them had been reduced to staring off into space; some barely mumbling out an assent or dissent to the topics discussed. They had been given a week off, a member's fake injury as a cover-up. That excuse would not hold for most, as they were known as the group who did things “separately but together.”

But it might be enough. Just enough for them to pick up the clues, pick up the pieces… and maybe even find him at the end.

They ambled into the same car, still out of it, still disbelieving. Maybe this was an alternate reality. Maybe their alarms would jolt them out of it at any moment. A lot of things ride on the maybe's of life, and that maybe gave their sinking hearts lifeline.

_How far will you go for someone you love?_


	2. Two

Knock knock.

“You're up in five.”

He smiles to the staff and thanks the make-up artist, making his way to the stage. Just another ordinary day. Just another day of making sure his smiles are wide enough, his wit sharp enough, and his responses genuine enough.

_Nobody can find out._

He considered it his greatest skill, one the years had made him proficient at. He almost fooled himself, made him think this was really what he wanted in life.

_And that’s what breaks him._

It starts off small. A few not-so-whispered words, a comment he accidentally reads, a sliver of doubt on his skills. It made him feel small, made him realize his imperfections were on display for everyone.

_He hadn’t perfected the skill after all._

The shadows creep up to him, threatening to overwhelm him, to drown him. Little by little, he unknowingly submerges himself and lets the cracks show.

_The world isn’t kind enough to ignore it._

The comments grow harsher, some even coming from their own fans. A betrayal? But wasn’t he the one who betrayed them first by continuing to pretend? They didn’t even know the real him because he didn’t let them in.

_The members can’t know._

That was his only goal. To fool your enemies, you must first fool the people closest to you. If not to protect himself, but to protect them.

Half of their life had been dedicated to their group, and it would take a monster to destroy that. He vowed not to become that monster, and to keep holding on, even by a thread, one day at a time. A small sacrifice, to keep the people he loved from being the wiser.

_A small sacrifice of his heart and sanity._

None of the members were selfish. He knew that if any one got a whiff of his thoughts, they would help him, no questions asked. But it felt like too much sometimes, knowing their support was there and refusing to he selfish enough to ask for it. He would be strong for everyone, and keep smiling through the thunderstorms.

_He has to._


	3. Three

_I should’ve seen it coming._

Nobody could hate him as much as himself at that moment. The members wouldn’t blame him; they were more or less on the same boat anyway. But he felt that if no one did, at least he would hold himself responsible.

On the outside, some people might think they weren’t close. They hardly seem to be in each other’s social media, nor were they really seen hanging out. But everyone knows that true friendship didn’t require publicity. One could simply check on the other privately.

_Which he failed to do._

What signs did he miss? Where could they have intervened? Had they neglected his cries for help? How blind had they been?

_I should’ve been there for him._

I should be strong for the others. I should be their pillar in times like these. For him.

_What would he do if he were here?_

He shook his head, trying to focus on the situation. They were currently en route to the dorms, the managers having sent out the official statement and gotten the members' clothing. To make it easier for everyone, they would stay together for now. It would be less troublesome for the managers to monitor them and keep them out of trouble while they find a better solution.

Now, it was just a race against the clock.


	4. Four

The gentle waves of the sea lapped at his ankles, the fresh breeze chipping away at his emotions. Donghae was right; Mokpo was beautiful. It was fairly easy to come here, though it wouldn’t be the first place they would look. For a brief moment, he wonders what it would be like to come here with his members- the entire family. But tonight , he’ll put those thoughts at the back of his mind. 

  
He finds an open bed and breakfast place, a quaint house where the host didn’t fuss over recognizing him. The host offers a list of must-see places, some which Donghae and Donghwa had previously mentioned to them. It was quiet here too, albeit much different from the lonely quiet he was used to.

  
He woke up early in the morning, watching the sunrise which he had not been able to appreciate for so long. He goes back to the house, slowly eating the breakfast the host had prepared, even engaging in a conversation. It had been a while since he’s had a day as stress-free as this, and his feelings turn wistful.

  
_Is this what happiness feels like?_

  
He set off to hike Yudal Mountain, paying respect to the monument of Admiral Yi Sunshin on the way. He takes photos of the view, visualizing Kyuhyun complaining on the way up but enjoying anyway, Ryeowook with his visor cap, even Yesung pausing them to go on live for their ELF. A soft smile blooms on his face, and he decides to take a selfie. Perhaps he’ll send it to their group chat later, when he’s healed.

  
He finds a spot on the pavilion, observing small groups of ahjumma and ahjussi come and go. Some of them recognize him, giving him some snacks and posing for pictures. He obliges, but only when they promise not to post it on social media until the following week.

  
He doesn’t have a definite plan. Where to stay after today and for how long were things he figured he’d worry about later. This trip was to detoxify himself from those thoughts and emotions. A mental health break, if you will.

  
He doesn’t regret being in Super Junior. A lot of the best days in his life had been because of the group, the members. He loves them as much as he imagined he could love other people. That was why he needed this break- he realized he’s lost sense of himself. 

  
_What was he without Super Junior? Did he exist aside from them?_

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted on aff (hermion8) and twitter (fan_til_dawn). No other places


End file.
